Only Lily
by owluvr
Summary: "She's Lily. Only Lily. There's no Teddy part dragging behind. No matter how much she wants there to be." For OnTheSideOfTheAngels (Izzie). Merry Christmas, Izzie!


Only Lily

A/N-For The Last Poision Apple's Fic Exchange. This was written for the wonderful Izzie (OnTheSideOfTheAngels). Merry Christmas Izzie! This is also for the Triad Diversity Camp, with the prompt "chocolate".

_December 2018_

It was snowing out.

Normally, on a day like today, Lily Luna Potter would have been excited. Normally, on a day like today Lily Luna Potter could not have _waited _to go outside and play in the snow, build gingerbread mansions (because she built _mansions_, not houses. Gingerbread people didn't deserve to live in houses, in her opinion), and drink hot chocolate with so many marshmallows that you couldn't even see the hot chocolate.

But today was not a normal day.

All Lily wanted to do was stay inside. Why? Because of Teddy. Teddy Lupin, to be exact.

Stupid, foolish, Teddy Lupin.

Smiling, smirking, Teddy Lupin.

Gorgeous, perfect, Teddy Lupin.

Lily shook those thoughts out of her head. She didn't love Teddy. She couldn't love Teddy. She _wouldn't _love Teddy.

And yet…there was something about him that made her heart race when he was near, and her breath stop, and her heart pound like a drum. There was something about his lopsided smirk, and his usually turquoise hair that Lily simply found…_irresistible._

But she had to resist. She _must _resist. For he had a girlfriend. Victoire Weasley.

Stupid, foolish Victoire.

Smiling, laughing Victoire.

Beautiful, _perfect _Victoire.

Victoire was much prettier than Lily. Victoire was _much better _than Lily.

And Lily hated her for it.

-X-

Lily couldn't remember a time when Teddy _wasn't _in her life.

Ever since she could talk, he was there. He was there for all of her firsts.

Her first birthday.

Her first ride on a broomstick.

Her first crush, though he didn't know about that one.

Lily wished that he could be her first _kiss _and her first _boyfriend _instead.

But she would never tell him that.

-X-

She first realised that she liked Teddy in the summer.

They were at Flourish and Blotts, and she had been trying to reach up and grab a book that was on a bookshelf that was much too high for her. She had been trying to flag down an attendant for at least a quarter of an hour, but they were helping everything other Tom, Dick, or Joe that needed assistance, leaving her to fend for herself. Lily sighed. She was used to that. Since her father was _Harry Potter _everyone expected that she could do everything and anything and didn't need help from anyone. So it was only her.

Only Lily.

But then, a hand reached up and grabbed the book for her.

"Here," Teddy said, handing it to her. And Lily smiled and her breath caught, gazing up into Teddy's perfect eyes.

"Thanks," she whispered, but he didn't hear her, and the word flew away with the wind.

Like so many of the other things she had tried to say to him.

-X-

Words were fragile. They are delicate. Once a single word escaped your mouth, you can't take it back. Ever. That's why you have to be very careful about what you say to people. That's what her cousin, Molly always said, and Lily quite agreed. Lily figured that's why Molly didn't talk. Because she was saving her words. Or maybe because she didn't want to make a mistake.

Lily's world was full of words.

Her first word she ever spoke was to Teddy.

She first realised she loved him in a place of words.

And now, here she was, sitting on a steamed up window, writing words that she knew she could never say to him.

Sometimes, Lily _hated _words.

-X-

It was Rose who found her. Later that night. She had fallen asleep next to the window, the words, "I love you," still painted on the window.

In the distance, the old clock tower struck ten. Lily opened her eyes, and found Rose standing in front of her, holding a candle.

"Lily," she said, "Lily?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Explain that, please," she asked.

"Explain what?" she asked, and Rose pointed to the window. Lily froze. And then out it came. All these words. About Teddy. And the bookshop and _everything. _She wasn't being cautious with her words now. They were flowing out of her like a river. Her eyes were flowing like a river too. Somewhere on her face, the two rivers mixed, and Lily couldn't talk anymore. Rose sighed and sat down next to her cousin.

"It's going to be okay Lily," she said, giving Lily a hug.

"Is it really?" she asked. Rose sighed again. Though she was only two years her senior, Rose acted much older than that.

"You know what Lily?" she asked, "Let's go get some hot chocolate."

"Alright," Lily barely nods.

They go and drink hot chocolate and laugh about nothing. And Rose makes the pain go away.

At least for a little while.

-X-

The worst part about everything (at least to Lily) was that Teddy and Victoire were so right together. They fit each other perfect, like the last missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

And then there was her standing off to the side, wishing she'd fit in somewhere.

-X-

Victoire and Teddy were sitting downstairs in the basement. Unbeknownst to them, Lily was watching them.

"Why are you down there?" Dom had yelled at them.

"'Cause we're hiding from the news," Teddy had yelled back.

"What _news_?" she asked, confused.

"The news that we have to be somewhere and can't say with each other forever," Teddy yelled back, the smirk evident in his voice.

Dom made a gagging noise. Lily laughed.

"They're stuck inside together during a blizzard," Lucy had said, licking the icing that was _supposed _to be going to the cookies Grandma Molly was making them decorate, "That's _so _cute."

"Adorable," Dom said dryly. As the others consented their agreement, Lily ignored the look Rose gave her when she didn't say anything.

What? Her mother _had _told her never to lie, after all.

-X-

It was the second night in a row that Lily couldn't go to sleep. She was up alone. She was crying. She hadn't wanted to wake anybody, so she hadn't turned on any lights and was sitting there, only visible by the dim light of the candle.

The wax on the candle was dripping, just like Lily's heart felt it was dripping into a million pieces. Lily let out a muffled sob. It wasn't fair. Why did Victoire and Teddy get their perfect ending and she had to settle for something else?

"Lily?" she froze. She knew that voice. She would recognize it anywhere. But why did he have to see her now?

"Hi," she said meekly, as Teddy took a seat next to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked. Then he saw the tears, "Merlin Lily are you _crying_?"

"No," she said quietly. He looked at her face.

"You are, aren't you?" she shrugged, "Why?"

"I like someone but they don't like me back," she said in a rush. Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe she had said that. _Why _had she said that? What on _Earth _would've possessed her to say _that_?

To her complete and utter surprise, Teddy laughed. He _laughed_. He actually _laughed. _

"Oh c'mon Lily," he said, "Don't let it get you down. You're too young to feel real love anyway. And if you do, then he's stupid to not like you. You're beautiful, Lily," chuckling to himself, he left the room.

Did he really just call himself stupid?

That's what Lily's first thought was after he left the room. Then suddenly, the words started to sink in. He said _I _was beautiful, Lily thought.

He said that.

He _actually _said that.

-X-

She's Lily. Only Lily. She's beautiful. She may seem like she's perfect, but she's not. She's human.

She's Lily. Only Lily. And there's no Teddy part dragging behind. No matter how much she wants there to be.


End file.
